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What to do if you don't like your engagement ring?


Once upon a time in a New York City soundstage apartment, Carrie Bradshaw found an engagement ring in her boyfriend, Aiden's, duffle bag. Then she proceeded to vomit into her kitchen sink.
"The ring was not good. It was a pear-shaped diamond, with a gold band"
Aiden was my favorite male character in the history of the TV show. He helped Carrie stop smoking, he stripped her floors, he helped with her apartment-buying struggles and he was always upfront about his feelings. By every viewer's standards, he did everything right, except pick out an engagement ring.

Disclaimer: this is not a personal problem I'm having. But I recently got to talking about this subject and decided to take advantage of the opportunity to get inside a man's mind. You never know what you're gonna get digging around in there.
"Tell me. Hopefully I'll get another chance to choose the perfect one. Although I should already if she'll like the one I pick or not. Should have gotten it right the first time, but nobody is perfect." - Bachelor #1
"She better like that damn ring, especially if I payed a lot of money, lol... honestly I don't think I'd want her to tell me, especially if I took the time out to find a ring that looks good on her and makes me think of her." - Bachelor #2
"I'd be bothered. But if she can find a way to express it in a way that doesn't seem ungrateful we can see about getting her a style she wants. But if she approaches it wrong it may say to me that she is really superficial and you can still get out of this." - Bachelor #3
Can I just say, I love Bachelor #2's candor. He and I have been friends for about six years now, so I figured that was the kind of response I'd get. As for the others, it was refreshing to see that men can be so open to getting a new ring.

I have no idea how I'd handle the situation. As much as I'd want to keep my mouth shut, that ring would become a new wardrobe staple. I'd see it every time I typed a sentence, answered my phone, sat down to eat a meal and countless other times. The ring would frequently be in my line of sight throughout the day, so of course I'd want to like what I see. At the same time, I'd never want to get caught up in such a material object when I should be focussing more on what it represents.

HOWEVER, if a man is proposing to me, I assume we have enough openness and freedom within our relationship to discuss anything, including the tough stuff, so I'd hope I'd feel comfortable enough expressing my true feelings about the ring. Knowing me though, my dissatisfaction would unintentionally show all over my face as soon as he pops open that little black (or Tiffany Blue) ring box.

There's probably no way I could hide it.


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Comments

  1. I partially agree with Bachelor 2. You had better like it! However I'd want you to tell me if you don't. I'd personally go out my way to make sure you would like it though, like go shopping for it with your best friend or someone who knows your taste. I understand its importance.

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    1. I think that's a good idea, unless the best friend can't keep a secret... in which case, the cat would be outta the bag so fast, lol. I can't believe you agree with him, though!

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  2. Oh gosh it feels nice to slowly be getting back into blogging so I'm able to read and comment on wonderful posts like this! (BTW how are you doing?! You've been in my thoughts while I've been 'blog-breaking' I need to email you soon!!)

    A ring is a big deal to me, like you said it's something I'll be wearing everyday. I would like the proposal itself to be a surprise, like what he actually does to ask the question, but I should already know that he's going to be proposing soon and we've talked about (and agreed upon!) that being the next step. Therefore we should have either gone ring shopping together, or I've shown him the ring I want and/or a couple I like that he can choose from those select few. Do NOT go shopping with my best friend or my mom, because they might get it wrong (like Miranda did when she helped Aiden pick out the ring for Carrie!)

    Some women might say it's less romantic and less of a surprise, but I'm not one of those people. I'm not even going to take the risk of having one of those 'I don't like it' conversations lol.

    - Zauni | The Kind Side

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    1. SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK, ZAUNI.

      But yes, it is a big deal, but I'm not sure i'd want to go shopping with him. I'd still want to maintain some sort of element of surprise. Maybe my mother would give him pointers. You know, after he asks her for my hand...

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  3. I see the point each bachelor made. Sometimes women feel like they should know, but they are still human. I agree with Zauni too; that serious conversation about you guys' future together should have been presented way before the question was asked. But if she doesn't come out and say what she wants prior to the purchase, how the heck is he supposed to know? For instance, most girls would LOVE a diamond ring; I wouldn't. I assume that's something I'll make clear. If he picked a ring that wasn't what I wanted, however, I'd be a little upset.

    It's the thought that counts, but how much thought was really put into it if he doesn't know her well enough to know what kind of ring to get her?

    What do I know anyway? I'm still single. lol


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    1. Single and mingling, i'm sure! And insight is even more valuable as a single woman, IMO. I think the man should know his woman enough to pick out something that fits her style. If she's a fashionista, something a little more intricate may be appropriate. If she keeps it simple (raises hand), the ring should do the same. Why don't you like diamonds, though? Boring or cliche?

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  4. Girllllllllll,

    A ring is super important. It shouldn't be but its a staple of "I belong to you". But I am not a married woman so that being said, If I am ever uncomfortable with the ring, I'd let him know. He'll know me, hopefully, to choose something that he'll know I love, but in his eyes suits me.

    Love the opinions of the Bachelors

    http://sheconquered.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks for reading, Amanda-Nicole! I completely agree. If my man really knows me, he'll know how to pick out something I'd like.

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  5. The ring is so important.. and in my case the ring my husband picked out for me didn't fit and would never fit because it was too big and resizing the ring would morph it.. anyway I got to pick out my own ring that I just love.

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    1. Awww, did you still like the ring even though it didn't fit? I guess it worked out regardless, because you still got the surprise, but you got to pick your ring.

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  6. I would definitely have to say something, but how could you tell him without him being too deep in his feelings?
    Love your blog!

    http://simplebutneverbasic.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Thanks, Kemii! Loving yours too! I supposed you'd just have to find some sort of tactful way to break the news. But hey, if he had the balls to ask for my hand in marriage, the least I can do is have the balls to be honest about my feelings on the ring!

      Delete
  7. I'm a guy, and bachelor #3 said it best. It's just a ring, and if you can't be open about and discuss the choice of a ring, maybe you two aren't meant for each other.

    ReplyDelete

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