It's 11am. Chick-fil-a has stopped serving breakfast, Chipotle just opened for lunch, the morning rush has died down and some people are almost halfway through their workday. Then there's me. By 11am, I'm usually just getting into my workday groove, wondering what mysteries await during the day ahead, still digesting my breakfast and likely sipping through a coffee.

My parents are morning people. My mom wakes up every day at 4am, without an alarm clock. (I repeat, without an alarm clock.) The woman is a bright-and-early five foot one robot. Then there's my dad, a man who considers waking up past 7am "sleeping in." Who are these people?! Is this cause to question my identity? I didn't even know what REAL sleeping in was until I was a legal adult, and I haven't looked back since. How do morning people function with such zest and vitality? Before 9am, I'm basically a Walking Dead extra, and even then it takes a hot shower and a solid soundtrack to get me going.

Yeah... there are times when my circadian rhythm gets thrown outta whack: if I'm on vacation, if I'm sleeping somewhere less familiar than my own bed, if I'm unnervingly anxious, super excited or unusually worried. These instances, however, are few and far in between, but when I do manage to wake up earlier than normal, I feel insanely productive - like all the earlybird worms are all mine and I don't have to share with anyone.

Morning people have a vivacity that I deeply admire. I hope to be one when I grow up, but all the tricks I've tried aren't working. Go to bed earlier? Not when you have HBO On Demand & need to catch up on The Newsroom. Setting my alarm earlier? I just can't quit you, snooze button. Go camping? Not when mosquitos see me as a first-class buffet. Also, there are no showers in the woods.

I've also been told that having kids will make you a morning person. Uhmmmmm...