Thoughts on not having a wedding

September 20, 2017


I've been married for two years, and in that time there have been a few regrets: regret for not communicating more thoroughly in certain situations, regret for not intentionally taking more time out of the day to spend nurturing our union, regret for things that have been said out of anger, et cetera, et cetera. The kind of things that generally disrupt the quality of any romantic relationship but can be used as a tool for growth. Thankfully, despite these things, I can still confidently say I 100% married my best friend; I married someone with whom I look forward to spending the rest of my life. 

There are many people who live by the "no regrets" motto, but everyone has things from our past that we'd do differently, and that's all a regret boils down to. There's nothing wrong with regretfulness in my opinion. I think it keeps us empathetic and makes us more thoughtful with our actions, so I don't live by that motto. If anything, I live by the "less regrets" school of thought.

That being said... When it comes to my marriage, there is one thing I don't think I'll ever regret: not having a wedding.
We got married on a Friday afternoon, by a judge we'd never met, in front of three close family members. It was quick and to the point, and although we took a few pictures beforehand, there was nothing traditional about the way we said I do. A few hours later we were back at my apartment (it was still just my apartment at the time), chilling on the couch, planning our weekend-getaway honeymoon in the mountains. The following week I changed my last name with the appropriate government entities, went to the DMV for a new driver's license, and eventually applied for a new social security card. Then I went back to business as usual... as a married woman... learning how to make this forever-thing happen.

I didn't even post about it on social media. Everyone who needed to know knew, including those who read my post about it here. While we both plan to have a more official ceremony/celebration in the future, we've been so focused on laying a solid foundation for our future that we've hardly had time to think about it. 

Every time wedding season rolls around I see such beautiful displays and personal traditions that play out in a deeply meaningful way in churches, parks, gardens and on beaches, and I want that - one day, when the time is right. Two years ago? When I was unemployed and working odd-jobs to pay my bills? When I was feeling overwhelmed by the price tags on venues, caterers, photographers, and everything else? When I was stressed about the losses I had suffered months before and didn't want to take on the stress of planning a wedding? The time was not right then. Even when we got to a point where the cost of a ceremony was within reach, we decided to buy a house and make a home instead. Even now that it's still within reach, we're choosing to travel and pursue other adventures instead.

One day we'll have a big celebration, with lots of people we love, in some insanely beautiful setting. It'll still feel small and intimate, complete with catered street tacos (*winks*)  and bottomless cocktail glasses. But as it stands, I'm happy with how we chose to get married. It was exactly what we both wanted, with no outside influence(s) considered. I didn't have to worry about finding a dress, or having a bridal shower, or making a big deal of a bachelorette party, or choosing bridesmaids, none of that. And as more time passes, I appreciate how beautiful our own path to marriage truly was, because it was just as meaningful (and way less stressful). 


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5 comments

  1. This post pretty much sums how I feel exactly about how Charles and I chose our approach in getting married. The whole time reading through, I was thinking "Yessss, me too." One day, we'll have an official ceremony to renew our vows but as of right now, we're doing us as a married couple and have no complaints or massive wedding debt ;). xoxo

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    1. Yes! That way you can celebrate all the years you've already overcome together AND the years to come.

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  2. I love this and this is how i keep telling my mom how I want to be married I want something small, quick, and just close friends and family. Everything without the massive wedding debt.

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    1. yes! there's almost a pressure to have a big wedding these days. i've always been one to do my own thing.

      💁🏾

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  3. Adore this post! Yes to street tacos!!!

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